that post wasnt aimed at like 1 person or anything

i promise its mainly just me being angry
with the entire world right now

My thoughts

I havent been on here for a few months, but when noone will listen i need to say it somewhere. I started Roehampton University in september, and im still here with a few hiccups,
i had some real issues at the beginning and things went very bad...
at home and at uni
and did i have anyone where?
did i fuck.
( look right no offence guys probs about 2/8 of you bothered when i tried to talk to you, and a text with some stuff isnt being there...i get you have your own lives to live but i just needed someone to ring and listen.
And right now, i am happy i adore my new flat,
but i jsut need someone to listen.
please.
I cant deal with the home and uni all by myself and i hate talking because of the whole when i was 15 getting called an attention seeker if i ever cried, so i dont.
and maybe i do now.

But do you know what screw it. get on with your lives guys.

Too be real you didn't matter any way.

come with me
Stay the night
You say the words but it didn't feel right
What do ya expect me to say...
Because to you it's just a game .


It's just too little too late
a little too wrong
But you know all the right things to say


To be real
It doesn't matter anyway

I know I have so much to give
With a player like you I don't have a prayer

i hope your happy with everything.

This song just gets it with you.

im sorry it ended the way it did.

the contents of my ipod

i redid my ipod today.

adele
aerosmith
akon ft david guetta
alanis morissette
alicia keys
alphabeat
amy whinehouse
aphex twin
arcde fire
avril lavigne
badly drawn boy
bass hunter
billy joel
bjork
black eyed peas
bobby darin
bon iver
bright eyes
bryant oden
busta rhymes
calvin harris
chantal kreviazuk
chris brown
christina aguilera
colbie caillat
crystal castles
damien rice
david guetta
deftones
diana vickars
dire straights
dizzee rascal
the dresdon dolls
ellie goulding
eminem
enrigue iglesias
the faders
flobots
florence and the machine
florider
frank sinatra
gabriella cilmi
glee cast
googoo dolls
health
hope
imogen heap
innerpartysystem
jack johnson
jason derulo
jay-z
jim sturgess
joe anderson
jo cocker
jojo
jose gonzales
jose vanders
juliette and the licks
just jack
justin timberlake
kayne west
kate nash
katy perry
kelly rowland
keri hilson
kesha
kimya dawson
lady gaga ( dont ask)
leona lewis
lily allen
lynard skynard
M.I.A
madonna
mark ronson
maroon 5
michael jackson
midlake
mika
the mouldy peaches
mumford and sons
muse
natasha bedingfield
nine inch nails
oasis
owl city
paramore
pendulum
pink
pixie lott
radiohead
regina spektor
robyn
sarah mclachlan
scissor sisters
scott simons
scouting for girls ( no point than having more than 1 song haha they all sound the same)
shania twain ( cheeeessssy)
sigur ros
taio cruz
the temper trap
timberland
the used
3 doors down
3OH!3
the 5 6 7 8's
30 seconds to mars


the bold ones are the ones i listen to most at the minute

melting heart

oh btw,

BLOOD TESTS ARE NORMAL I AM NOT A CELIAC :):):):)

YES GO WHEAT.

fizzy and warm

right today i found this song which you've probably all heard but it totally makes me smile lots and all fizzy and warm inside eventhough it talks about the day he dies :)

The day I died was the best day of my life
The dat i died was the best day of my life
Tell my friends and my kids and my wife
everything will be alright
The day I died was the best day of my life

london

But it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
didn't I, my dear?
didn't I, my dear?

letters i found that made me smile :)

Self portrait.

Me.
With a smile

Insperation.

Sarah Moon






unique different and totally inspirational fashion photography.

back to childhood

Celiac disease.

tomorrow im going to get diagnosed for being a celiac, thats when your allergic to wheat in easy words.
products im going to miss eating :

scones
pizza
pasta
bread
pastry
mars bars
beer
doughnuts
biscuits
pancakes
carrot cake <3
burgers
hotdogs
sandwhichs
wraps
DUCK WRAPS FML.
jam tarts
croutons :(
gravy ( I KNOW WHAT THE POO)
pie
anything in batter
pitta bread
shortbread OH SHIT
brownies
kitkats
any type of chocolate with wafer
wafer
COUSCOUS NOOOOOOOOOOO
soy sauce ( so nearly all chinese food)
Vinegar. what.
PICKLES?? WHAT I CANT EAT PICKLES??
im gonna cry, i just found out mayonnaise.


FOODS I CAN EAT :
Food a Celiac can eat:

Rice
maize
potatoes
all kinds of vegetables and fruit
eggs
cheese
milk
meat and fish
nuts
seeds,
pulses
Wine

the song of now

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When the head of state didn't play guitar
Not everybody drove a car
When music really mattered and when radio was king
When accountants didn't have control
And the media couldn't buy your soul
And computers were still scary and we didn't know everything

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When pop stars still remained a myth
And ignorance could still be bliss
And when god saved the queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
My mom and dad were in their teens
And anarchy was still a dream
And the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

When record shops were still on top
And vinyl was all that they stocked
And the super info highway was still drifting out in space
Kids were wearing hand me downs
And playing games meant kick arounds
And footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In seventy-seven and sixty-nine revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

The years of simplicity

You can take me anywhere

You can take me courthouse
You can take me jail
You can take me anywhere
But you can't get me there
You can ask me where I'm going and I'll tell you crazy
But when i get to where I'm going you should come with me
You've be staying up, pull me up start reeling
I'm throwing up my hands like I'm mad at the ceiling

:)

Story to be told.

Im sitting in my study enjoying some M.I.A my album of the week. If you wanna dance very messily in a dark room with a strobe and a stranger, this is the album to have on.
so good.

Because Id rather pretend I'll still be here in the end

Bring on summer girls

Its just me and you on the dancefloor

I want to dance with you.
and drink.
Lets dance forever.
I want to fall asleep in your arms

this isn't to anyone in particular I'm just in love with life.
And I want to kiss someone new again and feel like I did the other night.
I fell asleep in the arms of my best friend the other night was so cute.

I feel so sexy lately and just good about my body, probs due to weight loss and my sexy dancing aahaha ( lies I cannot dance sexy but I try)

If I'm misbehaving
I'm trying keep my hands off
But you're begging me for more
Cause we're never getting old

summer love find me.

Cowboys and Indians

These are some photos I have taken of my completely beautiful friends ( although the male complained that his cheeks were too red but hes silly :P) Have a look, The weather was 30 degrees and we had one can of lilt to share in the middle of nowhere.

Two week crazy.

so in the last week I have been to/have done:

- Two different theme parks
- I have gone out to dinner many times
- had many picnics
- been to Birmingham
- Gone out and not been back till 4am
- gone crazy with tiredness and started seeing little "woohoo" ghosts :0 ( oooo scary stuff)
- made friends with various strangers
- Given £5 to a tramp with a cute dog and I felt good
- Made friends with various dogs and animals
- found myself in a bile of rubbish and binbags in cambridge at 3am
- Hit on a bar man and a bouncer in fez
- Danced till I couldn't move
- Kissed someone new and a stranger
- spooned someone cuddly in bed after their birthday
- stayed in a Tudor b&b
- been an Indian at a cowboys and Indians party
- cooked a sausage on a stick over a fire
- ran into barbed wire and cut my leg in a game of man hunt
- Regretted nothing :)

Dear Summer and freinds, if this is the first week, bring it on.

Summer, back to square one?

Right my mission is this summer is not to end up back where I was four weeks ago. And to do that I will need Laura and Emma and everyone around me. Which will be fine.
Find a brand knew kiss out there for me :) There is one somewhere waiting for me I know that.
I just have to wait a little longer for it.
I feel very peaceful tonight. Maybe it was the sun today Ive just purely relaxed the last couple of days and taken everything at my own pace and talked to who I wanted to talk to. Its nice
I am off hopefully to uni soon, September. Am I scared? A little. I will miss my house and Cambridge, London is gonna be very different but I think I'm ready to leave and lead and start something totally new. I still wake up in the night so scared what if I don't get the grades? what do I do with my life? where do I go then? It terrifies me, four years ago I couldn't give a crap about what was going to happen with my future now I'm scared shitless.
I'm scared of loosing friends when they all leave, I'm leaving all I have ever known. Maybe its a good thing.
I need to make this the most amazing summer ever. I have to go out and just live my life completely to the full unfortunately this means stripping to my underwear and jumping in the river at grantchester meadows tomorrow, I say unfortunately, Only for those watching I'm gonna love it !!!
Currently I am listening to my top summer song, Regina Spektor - Us. Listen to it, and it will make you smile , if you have a best friends, or boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or child or anyone special too you, this song will make you think of them in the most amazing way possible. It will make you smile till the corners of your mouth touch your ears and its perfect for a sunny day.
I'm also loving the Beatles lately. Its good for walking round the city on a sunny day.
I wish it was sunny as I was writing this but its night now. I'm sitting with one tiny little lamp on so I can see the keys on the keyboard.

what do you see when you turn on the light???

Hello Summer, Im glad your here.

well, as you all know its summer now. And I have good memories of last summer but common guys we can beat that hands down.
Tomorrow Im going to jump into the river fully clothed

But last years summer was pretty good too...lets take a look.

Torture me by taking your time

Now as the summer fades I let you slip away , You say I'm not your type....But I can make you sway

But you feel my breath On your neck and Can't believe I'm right behind you
Cause you keep me coming back for more and I feel a little better than I did before
But if I never see your face again, I don't mind
because we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight

It makes you burn to learn I'm with another man.
I wonder if he's half the lover that I am

dear .....

I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind
You should have known

now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own

Love China Simpson.

My boy period

Someone the other day got it so spot on it was amazing. She described it as " chinas boy period" the guy who's messy, noone really wants around but he just is all the fucking time. Makes me in the most awful mood, Sometimes you don't notice him and other times hes hurting you so much.

men, when you become the equivalent of a girls period. Your doing something wrong.
In this case. Mine just left for good hopefully he still occasionally gives me the odd tummy cramp but that will pass.

I forgot to tell you....

I am evil btw ;)

well...only if your on my bad side.

You're so Gay and you dont even like boys.

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like boys
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like
No you don’t even like…


You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal
You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal
Secretly you’re so amused
That nobody understands you
I’m so mean cause I cannot get you outta your head
I’m so angry cause you’d rather MySpace instead
I can’t believe I fell in love with someone that wears more make up than...
You walk around like you’re oh so debonair
You pull em' down and there’s really nothing there

- Katy perry.

Ive been listening to this on repeat ahaha so good <3

smiling so it reachs the tips of my ears!

In an AMAZING mood. Because Something I needed to leave my life. Just did. And I thought, if I cared about you...as much as I thought I did? Why I am smiling and not crying?

I am just in such a good mood. Really happy. Having fun flirting, dancing talking of drinks and the summer ahead! So good :)

was on the phone to laura prime earlier she was listening to my ranting and raving and ranting and raving with me making me laugh. I love you prime, then same happened with david who I also love <3

"This is your future as I see it
She will have left you when she finds out who you are
You're nothing but an extra
I’m gonna hate you
Til I forget you "

- Pink

Famous Quotes

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty,' - that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."
John Keats

"Anger is a short madness."
Horace

"I restore myself when I'm alone."
Marilyn Monroe

please...

stop this before I drown.

I need to escape

from this really dark state of mind.

Girl Unobserved.

some photos I took of my friend emma, shes a beaut :)
oh yeah hii I like photography :) haha

Who saves the girl, after she saves the world?

Sometimes I wish someone would come here and save me.
Save me from myself.
Im left with no shoulder But everyone wants to lean on me
I guess Im their soldier.

....You make me wanna die ;)

I am loving this song at the minute.

last day of college :)

lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove

Right so here we go,

when you read this, You might mistake me for being unhappy, But never do that because I am totally completely and utterly happy I have just one complication, A secret, that's a secret to noone else, but you. And one day I might tell you what it is, But right now, that time isn't right yet.

Maybe before I leave I'll you how I actually feel for you.

:)

Last night

I dreamed of someone who wasn't you. It was nice :)

Appreciate it while you have it.

Because you dont... Thats why people say all these things to you. I wish I could get what you have sometimes. I really do. But it doesnt seem to be happening for me. So stop dicking around. And enjoy it...
Because I cant take it anymore , I want what you have so much but I cant find it anywhere and you seem to find it all the time...and you dont even care....

The days without you..are the best ;)

Had an amazing evening. Involving...fire??? friends, food wine and a good old hot sun IN BRITAIN yes :D

Uno.

I went to royston heath last night , and lay in the sun drinking beer and wine and eating good food having a pretty amazing time. If my whole summer is like that I would not complain at all. We played a pretty violent game of uno. I say pretty it was just a sceaming match. But it was sun :)
I saw people I havent seen in months and remembered just how much I missed them.
And it hit me last night,


The biggest secret I could never tell you.

today.

I hit Dan Sparrow on the head with a foot ball. It made me laugh. :)

wow. hit the nail.

Touch me and I come alive
I can feel you on my lips
I can feel you deep inside
In your arms I finally breathe
Wrap me up in you
That's the oxygen I need

Come here, we don't even have to talk and
Lay back and let me tell you what I'm thinkin'

On a happier note,

These totally make me laugh ahahaha :D I do love lolcats :)

This love.

Is taking all of my energy...

Messy eater.

I live through your eyes.

why can't you understand anything I say? It just doesn't sink in. Ever. I could give you all the hints in the world and You'd never know..I could scream it from the heavens and you wouldn't.

baaahhhhh. But I can't give up. Ive been told too. But I won't.

Song of the night - Better together By Jack Johnson

A mixture of different feelings appearing.

I would prefer if they didn't all appear at the same time, but that's life. I want to get out the house and celebrate summer with the people I care about most but none of them seem all that enthusiastic currently. I feel kind of alone. Laura wants me and her to sing together and things :) which I find very cute. I just wish some of my other friends were more excited.
Also how do you stop it when you know someone is pushing you away? I'm not certain yet, I'm definitely sensing it though. And Ive been slowly trying to stop it, but nothing seems to work currently. I think that's a little puzzle I will have to piece together on my own.
I'm all confused. I don't understand. It doesn't make sense.I dont care. It doesnt matter....Im okay. I'm 17 this is how we roll.

I want to do this again.

I wanna be this cute and little again please.
back to where everything is just...so easy.
And All I care about that day is im gonna bath in the sink
please...
please.

I like it when

Your hair is poofy :)

What if?

Just photos Ive taken of newspapers Ive made. Practice shots for a short film I made about..Not the end of the world? But what id we thought it as going to happen...so we destroyed our planet in the panic thinking everything is worthless..and it doesn't happen.

Totally, Utterly and Completely happy.

for some reason these last few days have flown by and Ive been just...so happy. I have just completely both my art and photography course, Both with 15 hour exams, But Ive done them and I put all my effort into them :) I can only achieve my best. But the last few walks home from college to the train station have shown me how many friends I actually have. For example, Yesterday Myself, Loz, Dan, Laura prime, Chris lord, some guy called sam who seems quite cool all walked home, whistling songs from robin hood and just being complete children.
Next friday I plan to go to newnam park with Dan and laura. Its the most amazing park in the world ( well In the city that is cambridge) with all these weird and wonderful little play ground thing, like one giant swing that can fit at least four people on it. It also has a tiny little icecream shop on it :) and the river right next to it so you can go feed the ducks of walk through the woods.

I am completely and totally happy today.
And trust me, Tomorrow I'll be even happier due to an amazing friend coming over to get trashed and eat food and listen to crazy songs. Its always fun.

The perfect Lyrics

These are some lyrics I found from a song I adore.
That just totally and completely describe How I feel.

"You wait for a silence
I wait for a word
Lying next to your frame
Girl unobserved
You change your position
You're changing me
Casting these shadows
Where they shouldn't be

We're interrupted
By the heat of the sun
Trying to prevent
What's already begun
You're just a body
I can smell your skin
And when I feel it
You're wearing thin

You wait
I wait
Casting shadows
Interrupted"

A new relevence A monolouge.

We meet as it getting dark at the top of the bank like we always do, and then go to the cinema....We follow our heroine in submarines, on moterbikes, in jeeps, by parachute, on horseback, suspended on helicopters.

Then we get the bus home...I go to the front door, He waits down in the garden by my window...My rooms in the basement. He climbs through not making a sound. Everything's quiet.

We lie side by side in my narrow bed in the dark in silence. No music. Above us and around us - like an ancient mausoleum - The house . a small bathroom, my room, and the cellar down stairs, the kitchen and the living-room on the ground floor, upstairs my parents bedroom and another bathroom.

Just as we are, naked, we start running through the house. Without making a sound we move through the rooms in the dark, along the hall, up and down the stairs. We stand still outside my parents bedroom and then go on, out of the front door and into the garden, naked despite the cold, onto the lawn and then back downstairs again to my room.

Suddenly my dads standing in the room in pyjama top and trousers

" Out get out now"- and he grabs hold of him and drags him past my mother whos screaming. up the stairs and throws him out.

I run back down, lock the door from the inside and climb out of the window with out things. My dad shouts after us.

On the way to his, he gets the pen out. We put out tag everywhere, on every wall, every drive, every garage door, his name and my name together. Me and him..together. The pen passes from him to me and back again. No hearts, just our tag - exactly as we are side by side on everything on the way to his.

And then we're outside the door and he says: Well then..I love you. But we won't ever see each other again.

Todays dictionary word.

strong |strô ng |
adjective ( stronger |strô ng gər|, strongest |strô ng gist|)

1 having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks : she cut through the water with her strong arms.

2 able to withstand great force or pressure : cotton is strong, hard-wearing, and easy to handle.

• (of a person's constitution) not easily affected by disease or hardship.
• (of a person's nervous or emotional state) not easily disturbed or upset : driving on these highways requires strong nerves.
• (of a person's character) showing determination, self-control, and good judgment : only a strong will enabled him to survive.
• in a secure financial position : the company's chip business remains strong.
• (of a market) having steadily high or rising prices.
• offering security and advantage : the company was in a strong position to negotiate a deal.
• (of a belief or feeling) intense and firmly held.
• (of a relationship) lasting and remaining warm despite difficulties.


DERIVATIVES
strongish adjective
strongly adverb
ORIGIN Old English , of Germanic origin; related to Dutch and German streng, also to string .

Silence.

do you ever sometimes just need someone listen to you. Tonight I did, but everyone seems to be switched off or in their own worlds. So I am spending tonight typing it out to a blog.
I can't tell sometimes if I'm happy for sad, I think for the best part happy, I just...have those little moments

But Ive only got a couple of months and I'm gone. I'm gone!
New everything and that's exactly what I need.
Im done with you.
Im done with this place.
Im done with this house
Im done with these people.

Just take me away now.

A bizarr dream I had.

so, last night I had this crazy dream
All the characters were my friends from a certain group, this included , Laura prime, Dan sparrow, Claire millit, David lodge and james amey/ matt smith ( the new doctor who) they kept changing in and out of who they were.
It started off with us all in my garden and then the sky changed colour and it looked kind of like a rainbow but something about it was incorrect like scary.
So james ( being doctor who and matt smith) told us all to go inside and find a room without windows, but unfortunately all of them did, so we had to hide under the bed in the dark all crowded.
At this point james ran down stairs to do his saving the world thing. So we all waited under the bed until he heard him screaming so I ran down stairs to see if he was okay, he was on the floor dying from something , then he turned into matt smith briefly and was alive until he turned back into james and died again.
Then some man walked in with a samurai sword...
And I awoke.

Dream two

Right another dream, Myself, Jak Cooper, laura prime and James amey. Me and jak decided to go to alton towers for the day and we were quite surprised when laura and jamea randomly turned up and that alton towers had turned into a underground illegal nightclub. Laura and james didn't have ID, so had the idea that we should all hide in the bubble machine and sneak in through that. It did actually work, me and jak decided this wasn't out scene so ran away. So we started running then laura magicly appeared in our running, we were running from something ..but I cant remember what, when james appeared in his new version of the tardis screaming " HEY GUYS ITS OKAY OBAMA APPOINTED ME THE REAL DOCTOR" and we all climbed in and I woke up.


crazy.

I like to take photos. And show the world how beautiful my friends are.

Meaning

"There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb"

lyrics that remind me of me sometimes.

Surrounded By artists

All my friends take photos or paint. And make me feel like Im beautiful :)


Taken By david lodge. Unplanned, Uneditted and beautiful :)


Taken By Jak cooper who pretty much can see the beauty in everything


Taken By becca herrington The most amazing fashion photographer

ALSO my friend laura prime, can paint like you have never seen but I can't currently find any of her artwork. But these are the people close by I am inspired by.