Sometimes I wish someone would come here and save me.
Save me from myself.
Im left with no shoulder But everyone wants to lean on me
I guess Im their soldier.
Monday, 31 May 2010
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Right so here we go,
when you read this, You might mistake me for being unhappy, But never do that because I am totally completely and utterly happy I have just one complication, A secret, that's a secret to noone else, but you. And one day I might tell you what it is, But right now, that time isn't right yet.
Maybe before I leave I'll you how I actually feel for you.
:)
Maybe before I leave I'll you how I actually feel for you.
:)
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Appreciate it while you have it.
Because you dont... Thats why people say all these things to you. I wish I could get what you have sometimes. I really do. But it doesnt seem to be happening for me. So stop dicking around. And enjoy it...
Because I cant take it anymore , I want what you have so much but I cant find it anywhere and you seem to find it all the time...and you dont even care....
Because I cant take it anymore , I want what you have so much but I cant find it anywhere and you seem to find it all the time...and you dont even care....
Monday, 24 May 2010
The days without you..are the best ;)
Had an amazing evening. Involving...fire??? friends, food wine and a good old hot sun IN BRITAIN yes :D
Sunday, 23 May 2010
Uno.
I went to royston heath last night , and lay in the sun drinking beer and wine and eating good food having a pretty amazing time. If my whole summer is like that I would not complain at all. We played a pretty violent game of uno. I say pretty it was just a sceaming match. But it was sun :)
I saw people I havent seen in months and remembered just how much I missed them.
And it hit me last night,
The biggest secret I could never tell you.
I saw people I havent seen in months and remembered just how much I missed them.
And it hit me last night,
The biggest secret I could never tell you.
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Tuesday, 18 May 2010
wow. hit the nail.
Touch me and I come alive
I can feel you on my lips
I can feel you deep inside
In your arms I finally breathe
Wrap me up in you
That's the oxygen I need
Come here, we don't even have to talk and
Lay back and let me tell you what I'm thinkin'
I can feel you on my lips
I can feel you deep inside
In your arms I finally breathe
Wrap me up in you
That's the oxygen I need
Come here, we don't even have to talk and
Lay back and let me tell you what I'm thinkin'
Monday, 17 May 2010
Sunday, 16 May 2010
I live through your eyes.
why can't you understand anything I say? It just doesn't sink in. Ever. I could give you all the hints in the world and You'd never know..I could scream it from the heavens and you wouldn't.
baaahhhhh. But I can't give up. Ive been told too. But I won't.
Song of the night - Better together By Jack Johnson
baaahhhhh. But I can't give up. Ive been told too. But I won't.
Song of the night - Better together By Jack Johnson
A mixture of different feelings appearing.
I would prefer if they didn't all appear at the same time, but that's life. I want to get out the house and celebrate summer with the people I care about most but none of them seem all that enthusiastic currently. I feel kind of alone. Laura wants me and her to sing together and things :) which I find very cute. I just wish some of my other friends were more excited.
Also how do you stop it when you know someone is pushing you away? I'm not certain yet, I'm definitely sensing it though. And Ive been slowly trying to stop it, but nothing seems to work currently. I think that's a little puzzle I will have to piece together on my own.
I'm all confused. I don't understand. It doesn't make sense.I dont care. It doesnt matter....Im okay. I'm 17 this is how we roll.
Also how do you stop it when you know someone is pushing you away? I'm not certain yet, I'm definitely sensing it though. And Ive been slowly trying to stop it, but nothing seems to work currently. I think that's a little puzzle I will have to piece together on my own.
I'm all confused. I don't understand. It doesn't make sense.I dont care. It doesnt matter....Im okay. I'm 17 this is how we roll.
I want to do this again.
I wanna be this cute and little again please.
back to where everything is just...so easy.
And All I care about that day is im gonna bath in the sink
please...
please.
Thursday, 13 May 2010
What if?
Just photos Ive taken of newspapers Ive made. Practice shots for a short film I made about..Not the end of the world? But what id we thought it as going to happen...so we destroyed our planet in the panic thinking everything is worthless..and it doesn't happen.
Totally, Utterly and Completely happy.
for some reason these last few days have flown by and Ive been just...so happy. I have just completely both my art and photography course, Both with 15 hour exams, But Ive done them and I put all my effort into them :) I can only achieve my best. But the last few walks home from college to the train station have shown me how many friends I actually have. For example, Yesterday Myself, Loz, Dan, Laura prime, Chris lord, some guy called sam who seems quite cool all walked home, whistling songs from robin hood and just being complete children.
Next friday I plan to go to newnam park with Dan and laura. Its the most amazing park in the world ( well In the city that is cambridge) with all these weird and wonderful little play ground thing, like one giant swing that can fit at least four people on it. It also has a tiny little icecream shop on it :) and the river right next to it so you can go feed the ducks of walk through the woods.
I am completely and totally happy today.
And trust me, Tomorrow I'll be even happier due to an amazing friend coming over to get trashed and eat food and listen to crazy songs. Its always fun.
Next friday I plan to go to newnam park with Dan and laura. Its the most amazing park in the world ( well In the city that is cambridge) with all these weird and wonderful little play ground thing, like one giant swing that can fit at least four people on it. It also has a tiny little icecream shop on it :) and the river right next to it so you can go feed the ducks of walk through the woods.
I am completely and totally happy today.
And trust me, Tomorrow I'll be even happier due to an amazing friend coming over to get trashed and eat food and listen to crazy songs. Its always fun.
Sunday, 9 May 2010
The perfect Lyrics
These are some lyrics I found from a song I adore.
That just totally and completely describe How I feel.
"You wait for a silence
I wait for a word
Lying next to your frame
Girl unobserved
You change your position
You're changing me
Casting these shadows
Where they shouldn't be
We're interrupted
By the heat of the sun
Trying to prevent
What's already begun
You're just a body
I can smell your skin
And when I feel it
You're wearing thin
You wait
I wait
Casting shadows
Interrupted"
That just totally and completely describe How I feel.
"You wait for a silence
I wait for a word
Lying next to your frame
Girl unobserved
You change your position
You're changing me
Casting these shadows
Where they shouldn't be
We're interrupted
By the heat of the sun
Trying to prevent
What's already begun
You're just a body
I can smell your skin
And when I feel it
You're wearing thin
You wait
I wait
Casting shadows
Interrupted"
A new relevence A monolouge.
We meet as it getting dark at the top of the bank like we always do, and then go to the cinema....We follow our heroine in submarines, on moterbikes, in jeeps, by parachute, on horseback, suspended on helicopters.
Then we get the bus home...I go to the front door, He waits down in the garden by my window...My rooms in the basement. He climbs through not making a sound. Everything's quiet.
We lie side by side in my narrow bed in the dark in silence. No music. Above us and around us - like an ancient mausoleum - The house . a small bathroom, my room, and the cellar down stairs, the kitchen and the living-room on the ground floor, upstairs my parents bedroom and another bathroom.
Just as we are, naked, we start running through the house. Without making a sound we move through the rooms in the dark, along the hall, up and down the stairs. We stand still outside my parents bedroom and then go on, out of the front door and into the garden, naked despite the cold, onto the lawn and then back downstairs again to my room.
Suddenly my dads standing in the room in pyjama top and trousers
" Out get out now"- and he grabs hold of him and drags him past my mother whos screaming. up the stairs and throws him out.
I run back down, lock the door from the inside and climb out of the window with out things. My dad shouts after us.
On the way to his, he gets the pen out. We put out tag everywhere, on every wall, every drive, every garage door, his name and my name together. Me and him..together. The pen passes from him to me and back again. No hearts, just our tag - exactly as we are side by side on everything on the way to his.
And then we're outside the door and he says: Well then..I love you. But we won't ever see each other again.
Then we get the bus home...I go to the front door, He waits down in the garden by my window...My rooms in the basement. He climbs through not making a sound. Everything's quiet.
We lie side by side in my narrow bed in the dark in silence. No music. Above us and around us - like an ancient mausoleum - The house . a small bathroom, my room, and the cellar down stairs, the kitchen and the living-room on the ground floor, upstairs my parents bedroom and another bathroom.
Just as we are, naked, we start running through the house. Without making a sound we move through the rooms in the dark, along the hall, up and down the stairs. We stand still outside my parents bedroom and then go on, out of the front door and into the garden, naked despite the cold, onto the lawn and then back downstairs again to my room.
Suddenly my dads standing in the room in pyjama top and trousers
" Out get out now"- and he grabs hold of him and drags him past my mother whos screaming. up the stairs and throws him out.
I run back down, lock the door from the inside and climb out of the window with out things. My dad shouts after us.
On the way to his, he gets the pen out. We put out tag everywhere, on every wall, every drive, every garage door, his name and my name together. Me and him..together. The pen passes from him to me and back again. No hearts, just our tag - exactly as we are side by side on everything on the way to his.
And then we're outside the door and he says: Well then..I love you. But we won't ever see each other again.
Todays dictionary word.
strong |strô ng |
adjective ( stronger |strô ng gər|, strongest |strô ng gist|)
1 having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks : she cut through the water with her strong arms.
2 able to withstand great force or pressure : cotton is strong, hard-wearing, and easy to handle.
• (of a person's constitution) not easily affected by disease or hardship.
• (of a person's nervous or emotional state) not easily disturbed or upset : driving on these highways requires strong nerves.
• (of a person's character) showing determination, self-control, and good judgment : only a strong will enabled him to survive.
• in a secure financial position : the company's chip business remains strong.
• (of a market) having steadily high or rising prices.
• offering security and advantage : the company was in a strong position to negotiate a deal.
• (of a belief or feeling) intense and firmly held.
• (of a relationship) lasting and remaining warm despite difficulties.
DERIVATIVES
strongish adjective
strongly adverb
ORIGIN Old English , of Germanic origin; related to Dutch and German streng, also to string .
adjective ( stronger |strô ng gər|, strongest |strô ng gist|)
1 having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks : she cut through the water with her strong arms.
2 able to withstand great force or pressure : cotton is strong, hard-wearing, and easy to handle.
• (of a person's constitution) not easily affected by disease or hardship.
• (of a person's nervous or emotional state) not easily disturbed or upset : driving on these highways requires strong nerves.
• (of a person's character) showing determination, self-control, and good judgment : only a strong will enabled him to survive.
• in a secure financial position : the company's chip business remains strong.
• (of a market) having steadily high or rising prices.
• offering security and advantage : the company was in a strong position to negotiate a deal.
• (of a belief or feeling) intense and firmly held.
• (of a relationship) lasting and remaining warm despite difficulties.
DERIVATIVES
strongish adjective
strongly adverb
ORIGIN Old English , of Germanic origin; related to Dutch and German streng, also to string .
Saturday, 8 May 2010
Silence.
do you ever sometimes just need someone listen to you. Tonight I did, but everyone seems to be switched off or in their own worlds. So I am spending tonight typing it out to a blog.
I can't tell sometimes if I'm happy for sad, I think for the best part happy, I just...have those little moments
But Ive only got a couple of months and I'm gone. I'm gone!
New everything and that's exactly what I need.
Im done with you.
Im done with this place.
Im done with this house
Im done with these people.
Just take me away now.
I can't tell sometimes if I'm happy for sad, I think for the best part happy, I just...have those little moments
But Ive only got a couple of months and I'm gone. I'm gone!
New everything and that's exactly what I need.
Im done with you.
Im done with this place.
Im done with this house
Im done with these people.
Just take me away now.
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
A bizarr dream I had.
so, last night I had this crazy dream
All the characters were my friends from a certain group, this included , Laura prime, Dan sparrow, Claire millit, David lodge and james amey/ matt smith ( the new doctor who) they kept changing in and out of who they were.
It started off with us all in my garden and then the sky changed colour and it looked kind of like a rainbow but something about it was incorrect like scary.
So james ( being doctor who and matt smith) told us all to go inside and find a room without windows, but unfortunately all of them did, so we had to hide under the bed in the dark all crowded.
At this point james ran down stairs to do his saving the world thing. So we all waited under the bed until he heard him screaming so I ran down stairs to see if he was okay, he was on the floor dying from something , then he turned into matt smith briefly and was alive until he turned back into james and died again.
Then some man walked in with a samurai sword...
And I awoke.
Dream two
Right another dream, Myself, Jak Cooper, laura prime and James amey. Me and jak decided to go to alton towers for the day and we were quite surprised when laura and jamea randomly turned up and that alton towers had turned into a underground illegal nightclub. Laura and james didn't have ID, so had the idea that we should all hide in the bubble machine and sneak in through that. It did actually work, me and jak decided this wasn't out scene so ran away. So we started running then laura magicly appeared in our running, we were running from something ..but I cant remember what, when james appeared in his new version of the tardis screaming " HEY GUYS ITS OKAY OBAMA APPOINTED ME THE REAL DOCTOR" and we all climbed in and I woke up.
crazy.
All the characters were my friends from a certain group, this included , Laura prime, Dan sparrow, Claire millit, David lodge and james amey/ matt smith ( the new doctor who) they kept changing in and out of who they were.
It started off with us all in my garden and then the sky changed colour and it looked kind of like a rainbow but something about it was incorrect like scary.
So james ( being doctor who and matt smith) told us all to go inside and find a room without windows, but unfortunately all of them did, so we had to hide under the bed in the dark all crowded.
At this point james ran down stairs to do his saving the world thing. So we all waited under the bed until he heard him screaming so I ran down stairs to see if he was okay, he was on the floor dying from something , then he turned into matt smith briefly and was alive until he turned back into james and died again.
Then some man walked in with a samurai sword...
And I awoke.
Dream two
Right another dream, Myself, Jak Cooper, laura prime and James amey. Me and jak decided to go to alton towers for the day and we were quite surprised when laura and jamea randomly turned up and that alton towers had turned into a underground illegal nightclub. Laura and james didn't have ID, so had the idea that we should all hide in the bubble machine and sneak in through that. It did actually work, me and jak decided this wasn't out scene so ran away. So we started running then laura magicly appeared in our running, we were running from something ..but I cant remember what, when james appeared in his new version of the tardis screaming " HEY GUYS ITS OKAY OBAMA APPOINTED ME THE REAL DOCTOR" and we all climbed in and I woke up.
crazy.
Monday, 3 May 2010
Meaning
"There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb"
lyrics that remind me of me sometimes.
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb"
lyrics that remind me of me sometimes.
Surrounded By artists
All my friends take photos or paint. And make me feel like Im beautiful :)
Taken By david lodge. Unplanned, Uneditted and beautiful :)
Taken By Jak cooper who pretty much can see the beauty in everything
Taken By becca herrington The most amazing fashion photographer
ALSO my friend laura prime, can paint like you have never seen but I can't currently find any of her artwork. But these are the people close by I am inspired by.
Taken By david lodge. Unplanned, Uneditted and beautiful :)
Taken By Jak cooper who pretty much can see the beauty in everything
Taken By becca herrington The most amazing fashion photographer
ALSO my friend laura prime, can paint like you have never seen but I can't currently find any of her artwork. But these are the people close by I am inspired by.
Summer
One thing I cannot wait for, Summer. My summer starts next month when I leave long road. I have planned at least 5 trips around to everywhere with an amazing lady known a laura prime. Who has no idea how amazing she is.
I cannot wait to go to Cornwall with her and others the week after my birthday..the beach, out all night on the sand lying under the stars and a glass of ridiculously cheap wine.
I have started listening to my summer playlist, It sounds off a summer playlist, its happy music with lyrics like " breath in life and breath out" ( which has a be a lyric I do try and go by). I am sitting in the dark currently listening to regina spektor who I adore <3 Not in the stalker way....
My last real summer and time to say goodbye to the old me and the old life. And Say hello to the new me and everything new in the world and start exploring, taking a couple of old memories and friends with me. But I cant wait to leave and get out of this horrible town! I'm done here. I done and finished with the life I have here. I want new friends and new people to fall in love with.
Im not good at this... Im not used to like..talking to a screen? Its like talking to myself in depth , Maybe I should start posting things that totally inspire me on here? Get you all interest in what Im actually about ;)
I cannot wait to go to Cornwall with her and others the week after my birthday..the beach, out all night on the sand lying under the stars and a glass of ridiculously cheap wine.
I have started listening to my summer playlist, It sounds off a summer playlist, its happy music with lyrics like " breath in life and breath out" ( which has a be a lyric I do try and go by). I am sitting in the dark currently listening to regina spektor who I adore <3 Not in the stalker way....
My last real summer and time to say goodbye to the old me and the old life. And Say hello to the new me and everything new in the world and start exploring, taking a couple of old memories and friends with me. But I cant wait to leave and get out of this horrible town! I'm done here. I done and finished with the life I have here. I want new friends and new people to fall in love with.
Im not good at this... Im not used to like..talking to a screen? Its like talking to myself in depth , Maybe I should start posting things that totally inspire me on here? Get you all interest in what Im actually about ;)
The secret I can Never tell
Maybe one day you'll see me differently
I dont want us to be the end of me.
I look at you and take a picture with my hands.
We should be on the run
Im having nightmares for sleeping with the enemy
Must everything you do make me want to smile?
He's a mystery when he's here with me.
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me..
and your kiss wont make me weak
But noone in this world knows me the way you know me.
.......You're taking all of me.
"Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing"
I dont want us to be the end of me.
I look at you and take a picture with my hands.
We should be on the run
Im having nightmares for sleeping with the enemy
Must everything you do make me want to smile?
He's a mystery when he's here with me.
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me..
and your kiss wont make me weak
But noone in this world knows me the way you know me.
.......You're taking all of me.
"Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing"
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